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Description

Being a parent involves a lot of joy and love, but let’s be honest, it’s also scary as hell. And we get better instructions for installing a dishwasher than we do for raising a human being. In the first of two episodes about parenting, Jaime gets into the fears she has as a mom. Plus, a listener who is concerned about her child’s mental health, another who is afraid of repeating mistakes she feels her mother made with her, and someone who worries her child will never leave the house.

FYI: Tell Me What to Do contains mature language and themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

Please note, this show is hosted and produced by a team that does not have any clinical or other mental or physical health training. If you are having a health or mental health crisis or emergency, please contact 911. For non-emergency mental health and addiction needs, try https://www.samhsa.gov for national and local resources.

For additional resources, information, and a transcript of the episode, visit www.lemonadamedia.com/show/tmwtd

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Amy, Jackson, Jaime Primak Sullivan

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I don’t want you to know what’s out there.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Hello. I was very bad. You know how bad that is. I do a lot of snatching. And it is booming. Gotta go. So I snatch him by the arm simultaneous full body extraction. There’s no mom block that you can rub on your skin. H-E-double-hockey-sticks. No.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Hey guys, you’re listening to TELL ME WHAT TO DO and I am still Jamie Primak Sullivan, if anybody wants to marry me and add another name to that mouthful, I’m happy to never get married again. What’s going on this week in my head? Well, if you’re listening to this now, it could be pandemonium. I honestly have no idea what the current state of our country is while you’re listening to this now because I’m recording it the week before the election. In fact, today is Thursday and the election would be Tuesday. So who the hell knows we could be in the middle of a new Civil War. I have no idea or we all could be sitting around a campfire right now singing Kumbaya, my lord Kumbaya, Jackson is laughing because Jackson is petrified I think I don’t know. Are you good?

Jackson

I mean, the election. I’m petrified.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Yeah. Okay, he’s petrified folks. There is so much going on in the world. First of all, do you know who Michael Imperioli is?

Jackson

The name does not ring a bell.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Okay, that’s sad. Okay, what kind of Italian adjacent friend are you? Michael Imperioli played Christopher Moltisanti on Sopranos.

Jackson  02:01

Of course.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Yeah. Oh, you don’t know that. Fucking that’s funny, Jackson, but that was good. Actually. That was brilliant. Michael Imperioli, who, like I said, played Christopher Moltisanti and I have to tell you that I would climb this man like a fucking gabagool. All right. I said what I said. Why did I bring him up? Oh, so he has basically turned The Sopranos on Instagram, into presidential storytelling. So he’ll post the shot from the set of The Sopranos and be like, we were with Trump at the bada bing, and on this night bla bla bla. And he makes up these elaborate stories. And The Sopranos fans are just eating it up. It’s like, he’ll be like, yeah, here I was ordering a sandwich. And Biden came in and I was like, Hey, yo, bite. I know. He’s breaking. And if you just need to check out from real life right now and just laugh. Check out Michael Imperioli. It’s @realmichaelimperioli on Instagram played Christopher Moltisanti on The Sopranos fucking super funny.

Can we talk about sub tweets, the passive aggressive sub tweets? where people are like, you know, they tweet something like I’m in the writers community on Twitter, you know, and they’ll be like, shout out to people who vague tweet. That’s what it is. You and I both know a big vague tweeter. I’m not going to say the person by name but wholly vague tweet, like they’ll be like, Oh my god, something really big happened, but I can’t say what it is. And oh my god, it’s so exciting. Okay, what the fuck? I what is that vague posting? I get every once in a while being like, Hey, I need thoughts or prayers. can’t discuss it now. But like that every day, but the vague posting. What is the vague posting?

Jackson  04:10

Yes, social media is a construction that we create. It’s not the true image of ourselves. So they’re trying to promote themselves as hyper successful person each day. As part of that construction.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

Oh, all right. Well, that was very like, that was good. Jackson.

Jackson 

You know, I try.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

I like that. I kind of like do you know who Harry Styles is?

Jackson 

Yes, I do know.

Jaime Primak Sullivan 

You know that Harry Styles car broke down, and he knocked on someone’s door in London, or somewhere in Britain or whatever, in England. Clearly, Americans are very savvy on geography. I’m like in London or somewhere in Britain or like England or whatever, which probably is all the same place. Anyway, he knocked on the door. A man opened the door. And Harry was like, Hi. Yes, so my name is Harry, My car broke down. Can I hang out here while they come? And he came in and the father like, fed him fish made him some tea if that’s not the most British fucking thing you’ve ever heard in your life. And then like, at first didn’t tell him that his daughter was a mega super fan. So he’s just hanging out in the house with Harry Styles. And then finally was like, Okay, wait, I can’t let you leave without like. He fed her fish. He went into her room and fed her fish and let the debt, first of all, do you love his pants? He’s so amazing. And then he wrote her a note that said Theodora. How amazing is this? “Theodora, my car broke down on your street and your dad’s friend kindly let me wait at your house with a cup of tea. I’m devastated that we missed each other. Look forward to meeting you soon. Treat people with kindness all my love, Harry. PS, I fed the fish. Tell your dad get in touch so I can see you at a show.” First of all, I now want to get I fed the fish tattooed on my body. Who would you die? If you found out that their car broke down outside your house? And your dad let them in and they were like in your room looking at your shit and then left? like Mark Hamill.

Jackson  06:34

Yes, that would be insane.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

I wish you guys could have seen how Jackson’s yes face just came at me like it was 3D. Mark Hamill. That’s the guy who plays Luke Skywalker, right? Yeah. That’s a big one for people like you. Not people like you, fans like you is what I meant. For me it would be okay. I’m going to tell you right fucking now. If I came home and Michael was like, okay, weirdest thing. car broke down girl came in the house and was like, Hey, can I call a tow truck? You know, whatever. Oh, I think your wife’s a fan. Let me write her a note. Dear Jamie hung out in your closet played with the kids. So sorry, we missed each other fed the fish love Rihanna. I would have a simultaneous full body extraction. Like I don’t even know what would happen to myself. And if Michael didn’t like make sweet love to her while she was here, I would never talk to him again. I would be so disgusted with his lack of ambition and initiative. So, Rihanna if your car breaks down, please come to my house. That will make me very happy. I’ll tell you what would not make me happy if someone knocked on my door and I opened it and it was my mom. Don’t surprise me. I mean, okay. Nope. Yeah, don’t do that. Nope, definitely don’t do that.

08:04

This podcast is about parenting. And it is going to be the most honest. Probably funny slash painful slash embarrassing slash excruciating conversation I’ve ever had about parenting, and it’s going to be broken up into two episodes. This week, I’ll do the normal thing where I answer some of your questions. But next week’s episode will be a very honest conversation I have with my two oldest children, Max and Olivia. Now, Olivia will be 13 in January. And Max will be 12 in January. So they are you know, like the pre-teen. And I would like to share with you some thoughts, some of the things that I was afraid of when thinking about having kids. So first and foremost, the number one issue I have from childhood. Nope, that’s a lie. The second issue I have from childhood is the dead dad issues. I have a fear of money. I don’t know why. We were not poor. And even after my dad died, we were not poor. I never had to struggle, thank God.

But losing my father gave me this bizarre, intense fear of being broke, like finding out that we are secretly broke. That’s why financial infidelity for me with Michael was such a trigger and was so damaging to me, because it is a predator of the fear I already have. I was afraid of having children and dying. Not for me to be dead. But because I understand how damaging dying is to children. So I was like maybe I don’t really need to have kids like I want them and that’d be cool. But um Don’t want to have kids and then be the mom that dies at 53 like my dad, you know? But then, you know, I got knocked up so that um, you know, there it is, I guess we’re doing it. But I was afraid of I was afraid of the death thing. And I was afraid of the things that go bump in the night when it comes to your parents. You know, the things that you remember as a kid that you hated.

10:27

My mom was an irrational hitter, meaning spankings were not intentional, where there was a conversation and now you’re going to get spanked. And here’s what it is. And here’s why you got spanked. It was from a place of frustration, or emotion where she had enough and she would come over and just start smacking and pulling hair and hitting and, and it was very chaotic and barbaric in a lot of ways. And I found myself snapping with people, you know, I can get very aggressive in that way. And so I, I started to think like, Oh, god, what if I become that? What if I just have kids and I just start beating the shit out of them? Like, because I’ve had enough? You know, I have spanked my kids, but like, sadly, it is more of the I’ve had it.

And I do a lot of snatching. Not a lot of spankings. So I always start, guys, cut it out. talk nicely to each other. Don’t talk like that to your sister. Keep your hands to yourself. When I hit the kettle starts to squeal or whatever it is. I snatch. So I snatch him by the arm and I’m like, move and I’ll physically move them. So I wouldn’t say I spank but I snatch. But I don’t like that I do it from a place of aggression, or emotion. I so badly want to be the mom that walks over and is like I have asked you nicely three times. Now I’m gonna remove you from the situation, turn around and go upstairs and go to your room. I want to be that parent, and sometimes I am. But sometimes you’re here, you know, I lose it. Because they just don’t stop. I mean, just doesn’t stop.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Fucking so annoying.

12:29

When I first had Olivia, you know, I thought that I was going to have a daughter who liked all the same things I liked because that’s what you think, you know, she’ll be into fashion or shoes, at the very least is like you know, that’s my passion, right? She’ll be funny and outgoing. And we’ll do skits together and have fun and laugh. And you know Olivia is not fun. She’s just different. She’s very much like her dad, she’s more of an introvert. She likes to watch from the sidelines. And I thought it meant that like, I just didn’t know how to parent her or appreciate it. We have different love languages. She’s an Aquarius, she’s very laid back. She’s acts of service on physical touch. The only time she wants to give me any physical touches at night when I’m putting her to bed and I’m literally running out of fumes. And all I want to do is take my clothes off and go to bed and she just wants to hold me. It’s always on her time.

And I feel like when you use affection as a manipulation, it’s disingenuous. Like she will not love on me any other time, no matter how bad I want it. Then it’s like at the end of the day, when she knows I want to go to sleep. That’s when she wants to offer it and it frustrates me. So we bump heads. We love very differently. We receive love very differently. She does not like a lot of the things I like, but we do find ways to spend time with each other. But I wish that when I was a young mom, I didn’t put all of these assumptions and pressures on myself about what my relationship with my daughter was going to be. Because anytime you have expectation, you set yourself up for disappointment. I’m not let me be crystal, crystal clear. I’m not disappointed in my child at all. I’m disappointed that I created this false way it I thought it had to go in order to be fulfilling. And then when I didn’t get that I was like what kind of mom am I can’t even relate to her.

14:41

You know, it takes work. We’re figuring it out. Hopefully we figure it out before she leaves for college. But you know there are a lot of things about parenting that still feel really hard and scary to me. Like Olivia just asked me, Oh my God, just PS we got hit by Hurricane Zeta last night. And so we’re running on Jackson’s hotspot to record this. And literally, his provider just hit us and was like, Whoa, you’ve used 80% of your hotspot already. What the hell’s going on? Are you on an island? That’s hysterical. The thought.. Oh, Olivia just asked me last night, she goes, can I ask you something? And I’m like, sure. She’s like, do you and dad move the elf? Like, just tell me the truth. And I was like, I’ve never touched that elf. And like, if you think for one second, I’m getting up in the middle of the night to move a fucking elf, you are out of your mind. I didn’t lie. I said, I’ve never touched it. I didn’t say Michael. And she was like, okay, cause I didn’t know.

So to think about that sweet baby, I live in fear. I do have not my kids getting out of a bubble. But when you’re young, you say things like, I’m going to be the cool mom, and I’m gonna let my kids party and do all this shit and stay up late. And then you realize literally nothing good happens after the sun goes down, and all of the things that go bump in the night, can now get to your kids. And it’s just like, I live in fear of anything happening to them, or someone hurting them or something happening to them and them not feeling safe enough to tell me. I want them to know they’re safe. So sometimes I act very tough, but at this same time. Like I don’t ever want them to think I’m so tough and scary that I can’t you know, it’s like, I don’t know, I don’t know.

16:45

But I always want to ask the right questions. And I find that the best time to talk to my children is in car rides. They do a lot of talking after practice, not right after school. But when I pick them up from sports and we drive home, there’s for some reason, it’s a space where they do a lot of talking and I just listened. And I answer and I try to say things that encourage the conversation to keep going. I’ll say things like Olivia will say like, so and so said, you know, decided she’s not going to such and such party. And I’ll say why do you think she decided that so close, you know, and I try to get her to open up. But I feel sometimes like I’m so cool. And it’ll be interesting to hear what they think when we get to talk to them. But I’m afraid sometimes like am I the right mother they need at the moment they need a mother for whatever it is they’re going through. Like, I don’t know how to express what I’m trying to say.

But I just pray that whenever the moment comes, that one of them gets brave enough to share or needs to talk. Whatever Jamie they meet whatever mom version they meet is the right version of me that they need. Not the burnt-out version, not the one trying to do a podcast with no internet, not the one trying to figure out when she has to be on set or the one fighting with her husband or the one dealing with body dysmorphia. Or, you know, the one with vertigo who needs to be left alone. Like, can I be the mother they need when they need that mother. And I think that’s a probably a fear that every mother has. And we have a lot of questions and I’m guessing you guys are gonna have a lot of the same fears and questions I have. So before we get to the first question, let’s take a quick break.

18:49

We are back. I know you guys love my ad read.

Listener question number one. This question comes from Melissa, who reached out on Facebook. She says “My biggest fear is suicide with my 12-year-old fraternal twins, I fear for my introvert. He’s kind sweet, funny, but very guarded. How do I parent him when today’s world is so different than when I was growing up?” Well, first of all, Melissa, thank you for writing in. Second of all, I think we like to say that the world was so different when we were growing up, but I don’t really think it’s that different. I think the mechanics are different meaning people can believe online versus bullying you in school to your face. But it’s all the same shit. kids who are guarded in the 90s are kids who are guarded now or kids who will be guarded then you know, it’s kind of like I think it’s a lot more similar than you think it is. We had certainly drugs when we were growing up, we had sex. We had abortions. We had bullying. We had kids that were athletic and not we had kids that were special needs in that we had twins. We had Singleton’s, you know, we, it was all there. So I think you have more tools than you think you have, we create this belief in our mind that Oh, it was so different when I was growing up.

20:17

Nah, it wasn’t, you have more tools than you think you do. I will tell you, I’m going to make a confession, Melissa, I’ve never said this to anybody before. But until I spoke to a doctor, Nzinga Harrison on one of the episodes on the addiction episode of the podcast. I didn’t confess it, but I did realize it and I’m going to confess it now. I have avoided the word suicide in front of my children, because I am afraid that once I say the word to them, they will understand that that is a thing. And once they know it is a thing, it will become an option. And that is terrifying to me. So like you, Melissa, that is a very scary thing, that once our children have an understanding of what suicide is that they can explore that and go. Okay. Well, I don’t want to do that today. But good to know what’s out there.

No, I don’t want you to know what’s out there. So I work very hard to keep my kids close to God. And I’m not saying that’s the medicine for suicide prevention. But I do think that it reminds them that there is a way that God prefer we be called home. And that is by His grace, and with His voice and His arms. And it is my hope that they also believe that. So what you can do is lean into the things that make your son special. And I also have an introvert, celebrate the times that he comes out of his shell, but don’t ever make him feel bad for not. You know, we will talk about this with Olivia when she comes on, Olivia got a zero-participation grade in Spanish, which Olivia never gets zeros ever. And it turns out that she was going to be required to speak Spanish in front of the class and she preferred to take the zero.

22:20

Well, I have a very hard time disciplining her too hard for this because it is inherently who she is. She does not want to speak in front of the class, especially in another language that she’s not. She understands everything in Spanish because I speak to her in Spanish, but she does not like the way she sounds speaking Spanish. So she’s very insecure about it. So how far can I push her because it’s her personality. So I try to find balance I try to do with Olivia, what I do with food. So like when she says she doesn’t want to eat something or whatever I say just take one bite. If you hate it, you never have to eat it. Again, it’s the same thing with coming out of her shell. Just join the girls doing whatever for a little while. And if you hate it, you know you can make we’ll make up an excuse. And you can leave you know I give her an out. But it’s small steps two steps forward. Sometimes you get one step back, sometimes it’s only one step forward, two steps back. But I will say that I don’t think avoiding the topic of suicide, which is what I have done is the right way to do it.

Because what I have found like in Charlie’s case, when I did not want to tell her how babies were born, she just went and found out herself and then said did you know that babies come out the hole you pee out of and I was like, that’s not entirely true. They will eventually look it up that you know they will seek it out. And I try to monitor their technology they are not really allowed to just sit in their rooms on technology they if they use their iPads or their whatever they have to do it in common areas of the house. It can’t be a secret behavior. I don’t like any secret behaviors because I know where they lead. Hello. I was very bad. Growing up. I had all kinds of secret behaviors. I was taking acid in high school I was dropping acid in school. Do you know how bad that is? Dr. Hayden is probably rolling over in his grave.

24:26

Okay, we have another question. It’s actually a voicemail which is super cool, from Amy so let’s take a listen.

Amy in Voicemail

Hi Jamie, I have been a longtime listener on Facebook and Instagram. I am a mother. My relationship with my mom has kind of left me kind of high and dry on how to be about a parent and not follow the same footsteps that she did for parenting. So my question is, with my mom being alcoholic, and developing that co-dependency relationship with me, at a very young age, she, you know, never really parented in a very healthy manner. It was very, five, eight there, you know, there was really no rules. But then when there were rules, you better watch out because they’re very set in stone. And if you didn’t listen, Anyways, I think my problem with parenting being is I have a seven-year-old who I adore, she is my world. You know, I don’t want to have the same toxic relationship with her than I do with my mom. I’m just wondering how to go about fixing that. You know, if I can’t figure it out, in the next couple of weeks, I actually decided to go and go to counseling to kind of improve that, because I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking that, you know, a relationship is supposed to be that way. Thank you so much for everything you do for us. And I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you again.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

So thank you so much, Amy, for calling in. And I think what Amy is saying is I recognize my relationship with my mom is negative and forceful. How do I not repeat the same negative relationship I had with my mom with my daughter, and Amy, you could be Jamie just put a J in front of your name. And there you are, because I too, struggle with the same thing. There are things that we go that that make up who we are as parents, right? There’s biology. So that’s mental, physical health, you know, things that are passed on from our parents that we just can’t fight size, weight, height, mental health, predisposition to all kinds of preexisting conditions people want to take away from us. You know, diabetes, heart attacks, all that fun shit, right. And then there are patterns, learned behaviors, some that are wonderful, i.e., my mother always baked fresh cookies on Sundays. So I bake fresh cookies with my kids on Sundays, because that’s a thing, or my mom loved to do Thanksgiving dinner in the dining room. That was the adult table, we all sat at the kids table. So I do the same thing. Those are patterns and behaviors that are positive that we pick up just as easily our negative patterns and behaviors.

You know, my grandmother used to sing to me see saw knock on the door, Who’s there? Well, I did the same thing to my kids. I loved it. It brought me back to when I was a kid and all of that and I couldn’t wait to sing it to my kids. Well, I also unfortunately, find myself saying a lot of the things to my kids that my mother said to me like, I don’t care what you think. I’m the mother and this is what it is. Well, that is so diminishing. My mother used to say it to me and I hated it. Yet it comes out of my mouth as easily as seesaw knock on the door. Right? Because it’s pattern and behavior and whatever. So it’s on us, Amy. The bottom line is there is no secret trick it is that you and I have to do the fucking work period. We have to stop like fishtailing around in the world like how do I not become a do the catch yourself and fucking course correct? That’s the only answer. Nobody can do the work for us. Nobody can stop us like your husband’s already checking you, it’s not his job.

Know that as a parent you are going to go into your experience as a parent with a lot of the same positive, beautiful traditions and memories and sayings and phrases and songs that you heard in your childhood. But the opposite side of that coin, is you take a lot of the negative to it is part of what you are in exposure right you can’t get the tan from the sun without the UV rays. You just can’t there’s no mom-block that you can rub on your skin and get the beautiful stuff and not get the UV rays. So if you want to look great you want to glow as a mom and have that glow mom tan just know you’re gonna have the UV varies and probably your agent like shit underneath and you got fucking sunspots and wrinkles. With that being said, the absolute only thing we can do is get very honest with ourselves and call ourselves out on our shit.

30:03

Otherwise, the evil comes in and the same obnoxious conversation and the same behaviors that we hated as kids and the same things that we rejected and we’re resentful for. It’s all going to happen again. It’s up to us to break the cycle period, point blank, we have the tools, we have podcasts. Now we have books, we have coffee talk, we have self-help, we have therapy, we have all that shit. That’s the one thing I will say that is different from when our parents were growing up, they did not have as much access to tools, and health and honest conversation as we do. So if we fuck up our kids, really we have no one to blame but ourselves.

All right, that was a mouthful. Let’s take another quick break. And then we’ll come back with our last listener question.

Jaime Primak Sullivan

Okay, we are back. Our last question is from Sharon, who also reached out to us over Facebook and she says “I have a son 19 years old, probably on the spectrum. But high functioning ADHD, depression, anxiety, socially slow, doesn’t pick up on cues that most teens would. I’m not necessarily afraid of suicide, but I fear him never leaving home, getting married, having kids, etc. He’s wicked smart, just doesn’t have direction or drive. I don’t know how to help him. And it kills me.” Well, first of all, how lucky is he that he has a mom so in tune with exactly who he is and what he struggles with? That’s awesome. Because a lot of parents would chalk most of that up to just normal teen shit. I think that there could be a million reasons why parents have fears of kids not getting married, not having kids. I remember a time where parents of gay kids feared that they would never be able to get married or have kids.

32:05

And you know what? These kids are so much more malleable and well-adjusted than we give them credit for. I do remember growing up and my mom hearing someone was gay. And obviously I came out to her in fourth grade. But she never had an issue with people being gay ever. She did however, worry that it would be more challenging for them. Who would have known we would have come so far with civil rights for gays. And now we’re just like, Hey, you know what, let’s take that all back. Let’s undo that. But let’s just say for shits and giggles, we don’t take the civil rights from gays away and we let them get married legally because the government should be separate from religion. Basically, that’s what America was founded on. If you’re a constitutionalist like I am, you know that we came here for religious freedom and freedom to practice your religion, but have it separate from the way the government rule the country. But anyway, that’s another Mr. Sharif’s fifth grade history lesson.

I only share that with you to say that there has been lots of parents who have walked your shoes before who have thought to themselves My child, there will never be a space for them. And I want to remind you that there will and there absolutely can be. I share that with you to say that for so many parents who didn’t have hope. There is so much hope. Now because we’ve seen it work. We’ve seen kids on the spectrum go out and fall in love and get married and have children. We’ve seen kids with not even high functioning I you know, as somebody who worked with children with special needs for four years, I’ve seen children on all levels of the spectrum. I’ve seen children with Down syndrome. I’ve seen children with different levels of autism, get jobs, fall in love. Go on to make movies to be in fashion shows. I mean, there’s so much and I think the key for you is to find out instead of forcing passion on him. Let him tell you what is interesting to him and let him lean into that. Whatever brings him joy, whether it’s video games or bike riding or nature so long as it isn’t hurting anyone. These days you can make money doing anything. The internet has given these kids a financial outlet they have never had before. There is a young girl that has Down Syndrome. Gosh, I wish I could remember her name on Instagram which of course I can’t look up for you right now because

34:33

Oh, she was the first one that came up Shut the front door. Well if that’s not God working through the weird internet, her name is look couldn’t refresh feed but there she is. Her name is @candidlykind. And her page is about a girl, teenage girl who has Down Syndrome. And she created this cool slogan and she puts it on all different shirts and sweatshirts. She has this Etsy business, and it is booming. Her mom drives her to the post office and she is mailing thousands of dollars’ worth of fun clothes and she loves it. And I guarantee that this mom at some point in her daughter’s life feared that her daughter would never find a passion or wouldn’t find a career or wouldn’t find something. But she did. And her mother leaned into it. And I think that is it, let him lead. Let him show you what excites him. What, even if you don’t get it, even if you think because sometimes when it isn’t our idea of like, what makes sense.

We don’t know how to move forward. In this, you’re gonna have to surrender. any preconceived notions you had any ideas you had of what love might look like, or marriage might look like our family, he may never want to get married, but he may fall in love. And he may just want to live with someone forever. He may want to get married, but decide he doesn’t want to be a father, that’ll have to be okay with you. Like, you’ve got to just let him make his choices and help him chase and choose happiness as he sees and defines it. Not the way we see and define it. Remember, when Father Bob wanted to be a priest? My mother in law was very sad about it. She did not want that for him because she saw it as a lonely life. And now we have father Bob, and he’s amazing. And he loves God, and he’s not lonely. And I always say to him, Do you ever wish you got married? He’s like, H-E-double-hockey-sticks no.

And he knew what he wanted. He knew what he wanted for his life. And he went out and he got it. Even though the people that loved him did not think it would bring joy, or fulfillment. Father Bob is like the most fulfilled guy I know. And he doesn’t have to deal with a nagging wife. I love it.

So I hope that was helpful to you. But we are not done with parenting. Okay, there’s so much to talk about. I feel like we could literally be talking about parenting for the rest of our lives, maybe. But I really want to talk to Max and Olivia. So we’re gonna get them set up. And you will come back next week for the episode where I have a very honest, parent safe parenting conversation with Max and Olivia and we will answer more of your questions. I love you guys for being with me every week. I so appreciate you listening. And don’t forget, if you share the podcast, make sure you tag me so I can see it. Thank you to everybody who shares it in their Instagram stories and you tag me I try to always repost it. If you post it on Facebook. You know, make sure you tag me so I can come and leave some fun, silly comment. But just know that there is no rulebook for parenting. It is the hardest, most excruciating, amazing, glorious thing that we will ever do with our lives and it’s messy from start to finish. And all we can do is help each other clean it up. Have a great week.

CREDITS

TELL ME WHAT TO DO is a production of Lemonada Media. The show is produced by Kryssy Pease and associate produced by Claire Jones. It’s edited by Ivan Kuraev, music is by Dan Molad, Jessica Cordova Kramer, Stephanie Wittels Wachs and Jamie Primak Sullivan are executive producers. Rate and review us and follow us at @lemonadamedia on all your favorite social platforms. Of course you can follow me at Jamie Primak Sullivan on Facebook or at @jamiepsullivan on Instagram. If you have any questions for me that you want me to answer on the show, give me a call at 833-453-6662