Good Kids: How to Have a Happy New Year, with Santa Claus
Good Kids: How to Have a Happy New Year, with Santa Claus transcript
[00:01] Is this thing on testing? Yeah? OK, then. Hello! Merry Christmas and ho, ho, ho. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, I still hope you have a merry holiday. This is Santa, fresh in from the North Pole and I’m exhausted. This is Good Kids: How Not to Raise an — oh, dear. Do I have to say that? No? Okie-dokey!
[00:33] I don’t do much press these days. Social media has really turned the Santa sightings into a sport, and Mrs. Claus and I gave away too many trade secrets on my Barbara Walters special in 1993. But the Lemonada team convinced me that they’d edit out any slip-ups about how the elves are able to compete with Amazon’s delivery time. Jeff Bezos really gets my goat. Thinking he can compete with magic, and actually a little bit of assembly line ge — Ouch! Okay, Mrs. Claus. Okay. Okay. You’ll edit that out, right? Great!
[01:08] Anywho. Here we are on Christmas morning. I hope it brought you lots of joy. And as you’re reflecting on another year and decade gone by, I thought I’d share some wisdom I’ve gathered over the years. I don’t have a ton of time. These millennial elves insist on one-on-one check-ins after big events like Christmas Day — it’s exhausting and hard to keep track of each and all of their individual demands. Kendra can’t work on Fridays because she’s climate striking with Greta. Caden won’t wrap gifts for environmental reasons, and also in protest of American refusal to pass sensible gun legislation.
[01:45] But I digress. You know, one of the things I get asked the most by you parents is how not to spoil your kids. But it’s usually in the context of plopping them down in my lap and having them ask for presents. It’s a bit dissonant if you ask me. And it’s Christmas. so whatever choices you and your kids made, the ship has sailed this year. I think I’m going to focus this episode of Good Kids on how to have a Happy New Year. Now, Santa is beat, people. So I’m bringing in some of my best friends to inspire you. Oprah’s here. Brene, the Dalai Lama, Billie Eilish and Lizzo.
[02:28] All right here. What? No. Oh, oh, oh. But here, here! Here on this piece of paper I’m reading, I want to share with you some of my favorite quotes that will help inspire your best self. As the elves say, going into the new year, although Santa sometimes thinks his best self is the one chillin’ in Hawaii on the beach with Mrs. C. in June before the madness begins. But alas, I digress. Mrs. C. is nudging me. No, dear, no. The Hawaii airfares are outrageous. I’ll look into the new year, I promise. Florida is nice, too. Ouch, ok! Never mind. On with these quotes designed to inspire and amaze you. Transcripts will be up later this week, so don’t take notes while driving, ladies and gents. Here we go.
[03:24] Quote one. “Be thankful for what you have. You’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” — the incredible Oprah Winfrey.
[03:37] You know, I once tried to get Oprah to take over from me as Claus for eternity. But the climate up here is too cold for the dogs. And let’s be honest, Stedman. Still working on a replacement. Send an email to hey@Santa.com if you’re interested.
[03:53] Okay. Next. “Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into those who offer help and those who need help. The truth is that we are both.” — Brene Brown
[04:21] As I live and breathe, she has nailed it once again. Woman, how do you do it every dang time? Next up. “Everyday, think as you wake up: Today, I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it.” — the Dalai Lama. One of my favorites. “There are always going to be bad things, but you can write it down and make a song about it.” — Billie Eilish. Happy birthday, young lady! And, last but not least: “Woo, girl. Need to kick off your shoes. Gotta take a deep breath, time to focus on you.” The great movement leader of our time, Lizzo. I was backstage at one of her concerts this year. Exceptional young woman.
[05:20] And what I take from all this, parents and listeners, is you’ll have a good year if you focus on gratitude, vulnerability, being present, knowing that sometimes bad things happen, but we can write a song about it, and taking care of yourself, girl. If you celebrate, a hearty Merry Christmas from Santa, and most importantly, happy New Year to all, and to all a good day and night. Ho, ho, ho, ho! This is Santa. And you’ve been listening to Good Kids: How Not to Raise someone on the naughty list.
[06:07] Good Kids is a production of Lemonada Media. It’s produced and edited by Andrew Stephen. Our executive producer is Stephanie Wittels Wachs and our music is by Dan Milad. Ad sales and distribution are by Westwood One. You can find out more about Lemonada online at LemonadaMedia.com. If you liked what you heard, share, rate, review, say great things about us.